dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You pole danced in your parka.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
