Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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