i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
