Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
