Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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