just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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