you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize