its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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