that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
