Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
