We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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