i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
