The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
