I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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