How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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