His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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