Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
