I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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