Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
