ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
