this just has baby written all over it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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