he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
