i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
