addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
