This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
