Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
