I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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