So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
