At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he thought i was a dude.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize