That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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