Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
