I have demons in me.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
