hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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