Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
