i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
