I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize