Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
