so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think i got beer on your cat.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
