Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
