He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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