She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
