Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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