this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
