I queefed so loud it echoed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
