i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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