Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
