I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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