Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
