Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize