Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
