can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
