Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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