Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
