This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
