the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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