on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
