I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
