what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
me + whiskey = a bad person
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
