I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
