Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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