I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
