Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A+ Viking dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
