oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
