I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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