Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
