Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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