my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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