That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
