You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
