Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize