dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
