Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
