Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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