True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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