I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
