No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
