who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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