Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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