atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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