So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
