why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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