You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
