Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
