im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize