Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
