We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
