thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
