It's Friday. Sex?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
