Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize