I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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