Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
