I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You ruined the universe
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
