Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize