We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
