need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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