He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
