dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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