the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That reminds me...we need to get swords
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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