It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
