wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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