I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
