My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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