I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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