I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
