so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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