I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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