Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
