i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
