puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
True strength comes from lack of pants
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
