After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
