I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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