ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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