Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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