Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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